Day-13 a letter to someone who has hurt you.

This isn't really easy for me to do, because I hate letting people go,  I can get really annoyed sometimes, but as far as getting offended and holding grudges, that's really not me. at least i dont' think... So here it goe...

To the people who have used me: Congratulations. You have successfully managed to fool me into trusting you. I'll admit that in the past I would easily trust people. I guess I just have a habit of believing in the best in people. But you were especially good. You we able to lure me into your little trap, and trick me into confiding in you and sharing times with you that I thought would end up being a special memory. And in the end all I was left with was emptiness. Time wasted with someone that I thought was special. Someone who I thought could be trusted. But it turns out that the trick is on you, because I don't trust people that easily anymore. And when it comes to you, you lost your chance. Sure I can forgive you, and to be honest I already have. But just because I've forgiven you, doesn't mean I will ever have to trust you again. 

To the people who have built themselves up by tearing me down: I bet you think you're pretty special. You managed to make yourself feel good by walking over me. You got the best of me and then left me there to deal with the what I was left with. Well, once again, the joke is on you. You may think that by walking over me you were getting yourself somewhere, but the truth is, every time you've tried to tear me down, all you've succeeded in doing is making me stronger. 

Last but not least...

To the people who have pretended to be my friend:  You may think that because I'm only 21-that because I'm not as old as you or don't have as much "life experience" as you do that I don't know what a friend is. You may think that I don't notice the way you use me when it is most convenient for you, because I smile and agree with you and do whatever you ask me to do. You may think that I think you are a good friend. But the truth is, I notice it all. I notice when you use me. I notice when you talk about me behind my back but still act like you're the world's best friend to my face. I notice when you pick up your phone and look through your contacts, wishing you were spending time with somebody else. I notice when the only time you ever want to hang out, is when you can't find something better to do.

In all honesty, the prize goes to you guys, because out of everybody you're the ones who has hurt me the most. You are the ones I really cared about, and for awhile, I honestly believed that you cared too.  But I've got news for you. There are people that have taught me what a real friend is supposed to be. I've got people who honestly care about me, the things I do, and are more worried about my well being than they are about their own agenda. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasted so much time trying to turn you guys into the friends I hoped you would be. I'm sorry I spent so much time doing things for you even when I knew the only reason you asked is because you knew I was the only one who would do it. I'm sorry I let you guys use me and gave you guys so much trust. And I'm sorry I can't be there for you guys anymore. Because being your friend has been a mistake. I guess it's true though, you can't change people...and thank heavens for that, because I would have been devastated if you would've succeeded in your plot to change me.

Day-12 how did you find out about blogs and why you made one.

well i guess i found out about blogs through my buddies. alot of them have one and always are talking about it. and at first i was skeptical, cuz i didn't want ppl to know about my life. it felt dumb at the time. lol. but then later i found out that it like a journal. but ppl read. i became intriged and was like sure ill make one!. cuz i have a lot of friends that are super busy with life, and wanna know whats going on in my life. so this is a good way for them to hear about it. ;D.

why i made one. i guess i want ppl to see who i am. i want to be able to express myself,  also i hope that the words i post up weather it be a blog challenge or somthing that happen to me personally i want to be able to share something that i think or know that beneifted me or otherwise can benefit someone else. i mean we are all put on this earth to learn. and i think a good way for ppl to learn is hearing about others lives i know ive heard countless of amazing stories and it has brighten my day  or made my  week even. so i guess these are the reasons i made one. and i thought it be a sweet idea!

Day-11 another picture of you and your friends.

so here is another pic of most of my buddies. its was taken a while back at a group outing we did. at PPT. (power progressive tumbling) it was a way fun night. sumo suits and just craziness! here are some of the pictures from the night! :D

Day-10 the songs i listen to when im happy, sad, bored, mad, hyped.

well sweet. somthing about music! alright. to start off music is my life. it makes me feel good :D it can alway pump me up for somthing epic or make me relax and draw, or just chill and make me sleep. lol. so here it is as follows

Happy: Black suits comin. Will Smith (i can't rap the entire thing and it makes me jolly :D)

Sad: I have a dream. Common (this song brings tears to my eyes, its off the movie freedom writers its the theme song but it talks about having a dream like marther luther king. and how we all need to have that purpose in life to change)

Bored: Forever. Chris Brown (i tend to listen to over played songs or old songs i havn't heard of in a long time. when im bored. lol)

Mad: Scream or Crawl.  Avenge Sevenfold and Breaking Benjamin (screamo is just awesome makes my mad go on steriods but i won't do anything haha. just love the screams)

Hyped. Heart of a Champion or Fuel. Nelly and Metallica (these two i listen to very much. especially in high school for wrestling this is what got me pumped! i love it!

Day-9 something im proud of in the past few days.

something that i would be proud of in the past few days would be, im made better connections with some friends, also with some family. i got to talk to my dad that was really nice. ive seem to make my connection with my brother really well. he and i enjoy each others company. wheather it be palying xbox or going to get a bite to eat. so im really proud of that. before i felt really distant from alot of ppl mainly my family. but now its getting better. and turning for the best! im stoked and im hoping that it will be really a blessing in my life. cuz i love everyone! so i guess my family and friends is what im proud of as of the moment.

day-8 short term goals for the month and why.

short term goals.... hmm... i guess. it would be to develop a plan, a nutrition plan, a workout, and prepare my self to go on a mission. to get in the best shape of my life! cuz i know that when the time comes for getting my call it will be worth soo much more because i worked at it sooo hard! short term is to make some money, fix my car. another short term goal is to coach jv wrestling and stick with it everyday! i cna't think of anymore... so there you have it! :D

Day-7 a picture of somone/somthing that has had the biggest impact on you.

well first thing is i don't have a picture of diabeties... but i will talk about that as well. as far as someone impacting my life. i would have to say Bri. she is such a wonderful young lady. (even tho im only older by like a few months) anywho. wow. what can i say about bri. Bri i hope your reading this cuz im going all out! bri has been my friend and best friend for as long as i can remember. im going to go out on a whim and say about 7 yrs maybe more. i could be wrong. im not good on my facts, bri however is so ask her.. lol. she has been there for me in and out, in whatever struggle i was going through. there was times i gave up. or looked at the negative. and bri was always there to tell me what i needed to hear. she really beat me down... but she would always bring me to higher ground. she has always been my inspiration and a great guidence. a time i know that she helped me was when my mom left to cali. for 2 1/2 years i was sooo vulnerable to the situation but she was there to life my spirits i know for a fact i would of not been able to do that all that time if it wasn't for her. and of course my other firends. bri is a great individual. she has soo much potential and is using it as we speak! ha. she has a great voice (she sings), great determination, has passion, love, authenticity, brilliant, i could go on. but above all she a great friend! and is family and very close to my heart. love you bri!


now, the Diabetes, this is a very emotional subject. because i never thought in my whole life i would get diagnose, my grandma who i love and cherish is on her death bed because of it. she doing loads better now. but im very close to her and it scared me when she was in the hospital for a heart attack and low blood sugar. when i was diagnose in july. i was soooo terrified. i thought i was going to end up on the same track as my grandma. i was scared. and giving excuses in life. one of my main problems at the time is i ate sooo much. and never worked out. just ate and ate until i was stuffed. but after finding out. its been about 5 months now. i feel great. im on meds, ive lost alot of weight and only to lose more to go on my mission! so now im more athletic and im not a huge burden on my self or on others. :D the diabeties showed me a lesson and before i thought it was a burden now i know that its not its a blessing in disguise. the lord works in mysterious ways. i know that anything i go through well not be without his help. ive learned about my self and that lord will never ever put me in a trail i can't get through so its great and i love with whats been going on. can't wait to see what lies in the future.

guess im done! ha. enjoy!